Marriage

 

rings

You’ve met the man of your dreams. You date for a while, meet each other’s families, and then he pops the questions. You say yes  and after the engagement period, you start planning your wedding and life with the man of your dreams. Finally, the day comes that you marry the man of your dreams, vowing to love in sickness and health, for richer or for poor, and all other circumstances. We say those vows without a second thought as  to what they actually entails.  The ceremony ends and the reception begins.  Everyone in the world has advice that can help you maintain your marriage.  You receive so much information that it is overwhelming, yet you take it in strive and make a memo to use it whenever the need arises. When the storms hit, all that advice goes out the window.

Fairy tales don’t show what happens after the ceremony. All we get is happily ever after and we are left to wonder if Cinderella gained weight after having children or if Beauty stayed with the Beast or if either of the Princes cheated on the Princesses.  We simply don’t know and that how marriage is. When the ceremony is over and the storms arises in your marriage, people simply don’t know. Unless you have people who you really trust in your life, people will never know and you are left struggling by yourself.  You feel alone and as if you are the only one dealing with whatever issue you are going through.  So, you finally realize you have to talk to someone. So, you call up your best friend, who isn’t marriage, and she has all this advice for you but you realize  Oh wait, she doesn’t have a man, so how can she tell me how to keep mines. A true single friend will say, Well I’m not married, so I don’t understand but that is your husband and you should work it out. Talk to him verses GIRL, I WOULDN’T KEEP PUTTING UP WITH HIS CRAP. IF YOU AIN’T HAPPY THEN LEAVE HIM.

DID YOU CATCH THAT? I have had both types of single friends and as I started to change my life, I started to change my friends.  Don’t misunderstand me, though. I haven’t just cut people off for no reason. I asked God to show me people and things in my life that was hindering my growth and wouldn’t you know I started losing friends, but honestly I don’t regret it because for everyone God removed from my life, He blessed me to be around people who would encourage my growth in the Lord and as a wife, not hinder it.  I’ve been married for eleven years and before 2016, my husband and I never had friends that were married. We didn’t even have the same friends. He had friends that I hated and I had friends that he hated, and we were so stubborn that neither of us wanted to compromise our friendships, but we didn’t realize that our marriage was suffering while we were trying to hold on to friendship.  Oh, but when God speaks  and start to work in your life, you will wonder how in the world did I ever make it before without God. Things will make sense to you and be so obvious whereas you used to spend weeks,months, probably even years trying to figure stuff out, when God was there all along.

Yes, God can fix our brokeniness, our broken marriages, relationships, and friendships if we allow Him too. God also knows that even though he can help us in Heaven, we still require that earthly help as well. In today’s world, you have to be careful who you allow to help you. The devil comes in many forms and all advice and all help is not good.  God will send people your way to help you. You just have to be open to trusting him and letting yourself go.

As an introvert and somewhat of a loner, that has always been a problem for me. It wasn’t that I wanted to portray this perfect image for my life. It was the fact that I didn’t like bothering people with my problems, so I suffered in silence.I did that for so many years to the point where I started to internalize everything. I started having night terrors and anxiety/panic attacks on the regular.  Even then, my pride wouldn’t let me tell that my marriage was failing that I, myself, felt like a failure.  That I,  that WE needed help, so we suffered in silence. We became content in dysfunction.  The unusual became usual and the pain became normal.  For years, yes years, I lived in dysfunction until I finally woke up and realized just how unhappy I really was.  I was at my lowest. I wanted a divorce and no one could convince me otherwise. Throughout the entire ordeal, I blamed my husband.  I never took ownership of my role in my dysfunctional marriage. God has a way of making you turn the mirror on yourself and when he does, it’s a hard pill to swallow but when you are walking in His word, the pill goes down a little smoother.

When my husband and I decided to turn our marriage back over to God and go where He would lead us, it was the best decision we’ve ever made. God blessed me and my husband to find a church with a wonderful marriage, men, women, and youth ministry. Being apart of the marriage ministry, the pill is now easier to swallow. Still hard, but not as hard as before. I realize now that I don’t have to suffer in silence. I realize that I am not the first nor will I be the last to deal with certain storms in my marriage.  I feel better equipped to handle storms in my marriage simply from interacting with other married couples and trusting God more.

If you are married, don’t talk to single people about your marital issues because you will forgive your spouse, but people you talked to won’t.  The best thing a married woman can do when facing storms in her marriage, is to give it to God and get among some God-fearing married couples and see what helped them through their storms.

I thank God for the married couples He has placed in my life to help strengthen my marriage. I can see the growth. I can see the change and I’m learning to be patient that both people won’t receive their change at the same time and that’s okay. I know God is working in my life for me to change my ways and my thoughts on things, so that when he is done working on my husband, I can be the best wife to him as possible.  I am still a work in progress.  I still get frustrated sometimes, but to have people in your life to lead you the right way, I can’t fail.  So, if you are married and dealing with or have dealt with issues in your marriage, please give it to God and don’t be afraid to get among some strong married couples and ask for help. If they are rooted in the Lord, they will be willing to help you out.

God says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4: 12  DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT THIRD STRAND IS? WHO IS THE THIRD STRAND IN YOUR MARRIAGE?

 

 

 

 

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