I’m a little late writing my first blog of the year, but it’s not because I was depressed and that is a huge accomplishment. I can remember starting the new year depressed and afraid of what the year was going to bring, whether I brought the New Year in at church or at home, I still felt empty, afraid, and sad. While everyone was talking about changing and doing better, I was afraid of being stuck in the same place, dealing with the same thing; but we are only limited by our mindset. If you believe nothing will change, then nothing will change. We can read a million self-help books or make a hundred resolutions and nothing will change until we change our way of thinking. Your mindset is a very important tool and it can either help or hurt you, but if you really want to change, you have to change your mindset first!
I had to really just buckle down and realize that I only have one life to live and I cannot live it trying to always make other people happy, while killing my own self deep inside. 2017 taught me to put myself first. Not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way. I can’t help someone else if I can’t even help myself and I realized that there were a lot of people in my life that I had to let go of. Yes, it hurts but everyone just isn’t mean to go where God is leading you in life. Although, I’ve worked hard on my marriage and have written blog after blog, sought counseling, etc. I realized that sometimes no matter how much we want something to work, sometimes it is just not God’s plan. No matter how much time we have invested or how many years it’s been, sometimes it’s best to say goodbye, especially when only one person is willing to do the work to make it work. If both parties are not willing to make a marriage or relationship work then there is no point in hanging on… no matter how much you love that person.
2017 was also a year of self-reflection for me as I got a good, hard look at myself and I really did not like the person I saw. Although 2017 Patti was a lot better than 2016 Patti and 2015 Patti, she was still holding herself back, afraid to disappoint or hurt the people in her life. I soon realized that I had to eliminate some of the relationships in my life, some friends and family. As much as people claim to don’t mind losing friends or family, that’s not true. It hurt me to end some friendships and relationships, but no relationship whether familial or friendship should be one-sided and if you are in a one-sided relationship, get out now, because you will never win or gain anything meaningful from the relationship.
I’m still learning and I know I have a long way to go. I used to be so afraid to even think that my marriage was failing and that I was going to end up divorce. I was so afraid that I allowed myself to pretend that things weren’t that bad, that it was all in my mind, but it wasn’t all in my mind. I just overlooked the warnings. I was afraid of losing this invisible prize that the world had awarded me and my husband because we had been together so long, but longevity don’t make a relationship strong, right, or better than any other relationship. Again that’s something that I had to learn and still learning, but now I’m open to learning, whereas I used to shut down any opportunity to really learn about relationships and about myself, but once you recognize your worth, you refuse to continue to settle for less. This year, I vow to get all that is due to me. I vow to know my worth and never settle for less. It may end up with me being divorce and losing more friends, but mentally and physically, I’M PREPARED!
No new year’s resolution, just a promise to focus on myself and getting my life together!