ExquisitelySagacious Blog

Commitments

First Sunday of 2018
I normally don’t blog my notes from church, but the message from my church this past Sunday really touch me. Not saying all service messages escape me, but this one really was speaking to me and I honestly believe that this message was for me.  This past Sunday, my pastor preached about commitment.  Being a new year, many people have committed to making changes on their quest to become a better person. I have never been one to make new year resolutions only to forget them by February. I just always strive to be better and to do better than I had the year before.  The theme of Sunday’s message was simply ‘You have to learn how to deal with disappointments if you want to stay committed to something because there will be some disappointments and how you respond to disappointment will determine how successful you are!’

Here are my notes in its entirely….

Scriptures 2Kings 5:1     2Cor 4:8-10

2018 is the year of new beginning or a fresh start because the number 8 is symbolic of beginnings.  This year commit to finishing something. Don’t let the devil distract you from your commitment.  A commitment is a firm decision to do something, but to be committed you are going to have to learn how to deal with disappointments. Disappointments are when your expectations for something fail.  How we deal with disappointments will determine our success or our level of commitment.  The devil will use our desires to distract us from being committed.  

There are many disappointments that happen in our lives, but the top three disappointments are people, ourselves, and GOD.  

-Sometimes we are disappointed by people. People will let you down and disappoint you. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we give god-like status to people in our lives.  The person who upsets you the most, is the person you’ve given god-like status to, whether it is a spouse, parent, friend, sibling, cousin, or boss.

-Sometimes we are disappointed by ourselves. Sometimes we make promises to ourselves without a plan or accountability and when it fails, we want to blame everyone but ourselves, but sometimes we make promises that God didn’t ordain. Sometimes we want things to happen in our lives that God did not say was going to happen. Don’t make promises to yourself that God didn’t give you!

-God. Yes, we can be disappointed in God.  Sometimes we must forgive God because we tend to harbor ill feelings towards God when our prayers go unanswered or when horrible things happen in our lives that we do not understand. Harboring those feelings can keep you from fully surrendering yourself to God. We must learn to forgive others, forgive ourselves, and forgive God if we want to stay committed. Walking in unforgiveness is a hinderance to our lives and a ploy of the devil to keep you from the will of God.
The way we respond to disappointment will determine how our life will go.  How successful are you at handling disappointments?  There should be a difference in how a child of God handles disappointment and how people in the world handles disappointment.  Are you acting a fool as soon as things don’t go your way, or do you continue to push through and accept that some things are beyond your control?

The devil will shake up your life by whatever upsets you the most. The very thing that your peace lies in is what the devil will use to interrupt your life!

2Kings 5: tells the story of Naaman’s disappointment about his healing.  Naaman had his healing played out in his mind.  He thought A, B, C, and D were going to happen. I thought his money would be enough to obtain his healing and that he was important enough to be treated special, but when his healing didn’t happen the way he expected it to, he was disappointed and in his disappointment, he almost missed his healing.

Some of us are like Naaman. We try to tell God how we want to do something, how we want things to work out, and God is telling us and trying to show us that it does not work that way.  We must tear up our plans for our lives and ask God to show us or help us recognize our purpose and plan.  Many of us can’t get to that point because how we react to disappointment is holding us back.  There are seven ways that people tend to deal with disappointment.

1. Bitterness

2. Confusion

3. Distraught

4. Loss of interest in the Word

5. Withdrawal

6. Depression

7. Suicidal 

  ***When he got to number five, something in my spirit moved and I know he was talking to me.  This past year, I lost interest in writing and anyone that knows me knows that I am a writer. It is a passion and I truly believe that it is my purpose, one of them anyway. But because I got disappointment in my literary journey, I became withdrawn. I closed myself off from all my literary sisters and connections. I basically disappeared. I even became depressed about it. I cut off so many people in my life, many who had never done anything too me. I was just disappointed in myself mostly and basically just suffered in silenced. Not knowing that I was stopping my own blessings, because many times God uses other people in our lives to bless us. I couldn’t get my blessings because I was having a hard time dealing with disappointment.  We never know who we are until after the test is over! We never know who we are until we are under pressure! It is when we are under pressure that we must stay resilient in the fight to be committed. ***

-Resilient people do not expect a trouble-free journey.

-Resilient people avoid self-pity and woe is me parties.

-Resilient people don’t allow unanswered questions to stop them on their journey.

-Resilient people maintain social connections and do not cut off connections.

-Resilient people realizes that people and situations change, but God does not change. 

-Resilient people look at life in the right perspective and they engage life

2 Corinthians 4:8-10: Victory is on the backside of every disappointment, so we must not give up!
As we go through 2018, let’s remember to be committed. Being committed requires a plan and accountability. Get you a plan. Set goals, hourly, daily, weekly, or monthly that will help you stay committed.  Get you a partner or establish connections with people that will hold you accountability when you start to slack off of your commitments. Let start building each other up and walking into all that God has in store for us. As I say, 2018 is the year to be EXQUISITE,  so let’s walk into our new beginning. God has given us another chance to get things right, let’s not waste it.  The richest place in the world is the cemetery because so many people have died with their purpose and passion instead of sharing it with the world.  What are you committing to? How will you handle disappointment on your commitment journey? Will your response be the same as the world or as a child of God? Only you can answer these questions. It’s never too late to start your commitment journey! 

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Book Reviews

I Can’t Make This Up by Kevin Hart

Mother of Black Hollywood by Jenifer Lewis

Let me start off by saying, these books were AMAZING! They were funny, real, and raw but they also motivated and inspired you.

Being honest, I thought Kevin book would just be about his comedy and filled with lots of stupid skits and stuff, but boy was I wrong. His book motivated me so much to not give up on my dreams because they aren’t happening fast enough. Reading about how he dealt with so much adversity before finally catching his big break in the industry makes you appreciate his humility! It makes you understand him just a little bit more. Oh and the book was hilarious. I’m talking about side-hurting laughter. I would definitely recommend that you read this book. Here is an excerpt from his book:

Jenifer Lewis, everyone’s favorite Hollywood mom. Her book was amazing much like her big personality. The book did give a motherly vibe towards the end but at first, you are immediately thrust into her life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I didn’t know she suffered from bipolar depression until I read this book. As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression (bipolar depression if you ask my husband, lol) her book gave me an inside look at someone else dealing with some of the things I have endured. She helped take the stigma away from mental illness. That may sound crazy but whether we want to admit it or not the world has this stigma attached to mental illness and baby Miss Lewis chops down that stigma like her high kick! The book was filled with all kinds of black girl magic. What I loved most about her book was her realness. Miss Lewis emptied her soul into this book! She didn’t try to sugarcoat the bad times in her life. She embraced it, gave it to you raw and uncut. You either appreciated it or hated it, but it’s her truth and she is telling the whole world. All I can say is I appreciate her realness because it taught me that even our mistakes makes us who we are. A wonderful read! Go get this book! Here is an excerpt from her book:

I guess I’m going through a memoir phase. I give both of these books

5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

My next two reads

Growth…

positivity-pledge-motivational-quotes-sayings-pictures-300x300.jpg (300×300)

I’m a little late writing my first blog of the year, but it’s not because I was depressed and that is a huge accomplishment. I can remember starting the new year depressed and afraid of what the year was going to bring, whether I brought the New Year in at church or at home, I still felt empty, afraid, and sad. While everyone was talking about changing and doing better, I was afraid of being stuck in the same place, dealing with the same thing; but we are only limited by our mindset. If you believe nothing will change, then nothing will change. We can read a million self-help books or make a hundred resolutions and nothing will change until we change our way of thinking. Your mindset is a very important tool and it can either help or hurt you, but if you really want to change, you have to change your mindset first!

I had to really just buckle down and realize that I only have one life to live and I cannot live it trying to always make other people happy, while killing my own self deep inside. 2017 taught me to put myself first. Not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way. I can’t help someone else if I can’t even help myself and I realized that there were a lot of people in my life that I had to let go of. Yes, it hurts but everyone just isn’t mean to go where God is leading you in life. Although, I’ve worked hard on my marriage and have written blog after blog, sought counseling, etc. I realized that sometimes no matter how much we want something to work, sometimes it is just not God’s plan. No matter how much time we have invested or how many years it’s been, sometimes it’s best to say goodbye, especially when only one person is willing to do the work to make it work. If both parties are not willing to make a marriage or relationship work then there is no point in hanging on… no matter how much you love that person.

2017 was also a year of self-reflection for me as I got a good, hard look at myself and I really did not like the person I saw. Although 2017 Patti was a lot better than 2016 Patti and 2015 Patti, she was still holding herself back, afraid to disappoint or hurt the people in her life. I soon realized that I had to eliminate some of the relationships in my life, some friends and family. As much as people claim to don’t mind losing friends or family, that’s not true. It hurt me to end some friendships and relationships, but no relationship whether familial or friendship should be one-sided and if you are in a one-sided relationship, get out now, because you will never win or gain anything meaningful from the relationship.

I’m still learning and I know I have a long way to go. I used to be so afraid to even think that my marriage was failing and that I was going to end up divorce. I was so afraid that I allowed myself to pretend that things weren’t that bad, that it was all in my mind, but it wasn’t all in my mind. I just overlooked the warnings. I was afraid of losing this invisible prize that the world had awarded me and my husband because we had been together so long, but longevity don’t make a relationship strong, right, or better than any other relationship. Again that’s something that I had to learn and still learning, but now I’m open to learning, whereas I used to shut down any opportunity to really learn about relationships and about myself, but once you recognize your worth, you refuse to continue to settle for less. This year, I vow to get all that is due to me. I vow to know my worth and never settle for less. It may end up with me being divorce and losing more friends, but mentally and physically, I’M PREPARED!

No new year’s resolution, just a promise to focus on myself and getting my life together!

Growth

“Un” Happy Holidays

Who knew a semicolon could mean so much?

Let’s admit it … The semicolon is the most hated form of punctuation it is. Mainly because people rarely use it correctly. Perhaps that’s why the semicolon was used as a symbol of mental illness(most commonly anxiety/depression).

The semicolon project started by Amy Bleul, a victim of physical/sexual abuse, self-harm and alcoholism. Bleul died in 2017 from suicide.

The semicolon project is an American mental health nonprofit organization that primarily functions as an anti-suicide initiative. It was founded in 2013, ten years after the death of her father by suicide.

The movement is dedicated to presenting hope and love for those who are struggling with mental illness, suicide, addiction and self-injury.

The movement have been known for encouraging people to tattoo the punctuation mark semicolon (;) onto their bodies as a form of solidarity between people dealing with mental illness or death of someone from suicide.

With the holidays fast approaching and the year conning to end, what should be the happiest time of the year can turn into theroughesttime of the year for some people. Mental illness tends to peak around the holidays. Stress, anxiety, and sadness from death or absence of loved ones make the holidays hard on people already dealing with mental illness.

Who knew a semicolon could affect people’s lives the way it has?

Not me.

When I first heard of the semicolon project it touched me deeply as a writer and more importantly as person who dealt with anxiety and depression. The slogan of the project, “Your story is not over!” Encourages hope in victims of mental illness and let them know they are not alone. Before I knew about the semicolon project, I rarely ever talked about my plight with anxiety/depression mainly because I was ashamed dye to ask the stigma surrounding mental illness. After the semicolon project took off, I didn’t feel so alone anymore. Reading the testimonies of people dealing with mental illness share their stories through the project gave me the strength to open up about my issues with mental illness. Today, I’m not afraid to speak about my anxiety or depression and I’m better able to deal with it or seek help when needed because I now know I’m not alone in my plight and that there is help available. I even got my semicolon tattoo to symbolize my story is not over. I will defeat anxiety and depression.

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There are many resources available to help prevent suicide and people having a hard time dealing with mental illness. The one that I found the most convenient and helpful to me was the Crisis Text Line

https://www.crisistextline.org/

Crisis Text Line is a free, 24/7 organization where individuals can text 741741 from anywhere in the USA to text with a trained crisis counselor.

Most people suffer in silence because they are afraid to talk to someone about their issues, especially teens and young adults. Since most teens and young adults spend majority of their time, being able to text takes away the stigma of having a mental illness and fear of getting help.

If you are experiencing any form of suicidal thoughts or dealing with anxiety, depression, or any other form of mental illness, please use the Crisis Text Line.

I used the text line before and it helped me tremendously. Talking to someone outside of the situation without judgment or fear of seeing a therapist made all the difference.

This holiday season let’s not forget about those suffering or dealing with sadness, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. Check on your loved ones and make sure they have access to the help available to them. Visit the elderly in your neighborhood. It really makes a difference.

Just remember sometimes a small act of kindness can be a life-changing event for someone dealing with depression!

Friends With Benefits…

casualsex

Seems easy enough, but just like the movie, some FWB don’t know how to disconnect their emotions from the situations.  So, what can you do, if anything, to prevent falling in love with your FWB?

Friends with Benefits are when two friends have casual sex without being emotionally involved or in any type of committed relationship.  There is a movie about FWB (Friends with Benefits) starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, but to me, that movie is an example of what not to do with your friend with benefits.  Here are five things to consider when thinking of getting you an friend with benefits.

 

  • Choose the location of the FWB carefully

 

-Although the idea to choose a FWB that lives close seems like the perfect idea because he/she will always in reach, but that’s also the biggest reason not to do it. The risk for pop-ups and the need to spy on each other is too great and will definitely lead to problems. To avoid all of that, NEVER, EVER, pick someone that lives near you!

 

  • Choosing a FWB that associate with family and friends is a huge NO-NO

 

-We all know how judgmental and nosy family members and some friends can be, keep them out of your personal life by not mixing the two! Keep your family and FWB separate, it will save you so much grief and you will appreciate it later.

 

  • Once you have chosen your FWB, avoid being friends with each other on social media  

 

-The temptation to brag and boost about how great your FWB is, can be overwhelming at times, especially if he/she is putting it down, but resist the urge. FWB have no business being friends on social media, because once you get to scrolling, you may stumble on something that will hurt your feelings. In the words of Xscape, let them be your little secret.

 

  • FWB is not a relationship! Don’t catch feelings

 

-If you were single before, you are single during and after.  Establish rules from the start and do not cross them. A few rules to consider:

Never sleep over

No out of town trips

No spooning

No cuddling

No kissing.

No dates

 

  • Always, Always use protection.

 

-Don’t be trying to make  babies to trap the FWB

-Ladies, don’t be afraid to ask for protection or better yet, have your own. If he is not willing to wrap it up, then it’s time to find another FWB.

-Fellas, everything that’s cute is not clean! Wrap it up!

**BONUS: BEING FWB DOES NOT EQUAL MANDATORY SEX! Although, it is just a sex thing; you don’t have to have sex all the time. IF you don’t feel it like it, it’s okay to say NO! REMEMBER YOU ARE TECHNICALLY STILL SINGLE!**

Just a few things to consider when it comes to friends with benefits.

Love Does Not Hurt…

It took me a long time to realize that the saying, love hurts is a lie. Love does not hurt; loving the wrong people hurts! Not only does it hurts but it harms you physically, mentally, & socially. I know because I been there. I remember being so hurt that I got a big ARM tattoo that says love hurts….

Just like the rose piercing the heart, my heart was bleeding. I had been stabbed in the heart over and over again by the same rose. It finally got to the point where one more cut would cause my heart to just die. I became bitter and emotionless because of all the damage to my heart. I felt myself dying. I felt myself starting to hate. I didn’t want to be like that so I had to make a decision. Either risk getting stabbed again or escape the danger in order to protect my heart.

It’s never easy to let go of something your heart got used to Sometimes holding on do more damage than letting go. I had to realize that it was choice to continue to let dumb shit affect me. Today, I’m done blaming love. It’s not love’s fault that I got hurt. It’s not even the man that hurt me, it’s my fault because I allowed myself to be hurt! No more….. I’m getting a cover up on the tattoo and I’m slowly starting to believe in mind again. One day, I will fall in love again & he will love me too!

Common Mistakes People Make on Social Media

Although Facebook asks WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND? There are some things that should not be posted. Here’s my list of the top mistakes people makes when posting on social media.

1. Bringing relationship problems to social media: majority are glad that you have them and the rest don’t care! Plus, a lot of the ones doing that are too damn old for shit like that.

2. Letting everybody know your every move: it’s best to work in silent and let your actions speak for you. There are a lot of dream killers waiting to destroy yours.

3. Asking everyone to pray for you: some people are praying against you, not with you. how many people honestly pray for a person when asked on social media? FYI: POSTING PRAYERS GOING UP IS NOT THE SAME THING AS SAYING AN ACTUAL PRAYER, IJS.

4. Reposting shit without researching first: I know we hate to read if it’s not necessary but posting these holidays all out of date, these fake disclaimers, then click like if you love Jesus: JUST STOP IT! JESUS HAS A MAIN LINE THAT ANYONE CAN REACH AND IT WAS ESTABLISH BEFORE SOCIAL MEDIA, SO IM NOT GOING TO HELL IF I DON’T SHARE A POST OR LIKE A LINK!

5. IF YOU GOING TO LIE ABOUT HOW YOU LIVING, WHAT YOU HAVE, WHO YOU GOT, HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE ETC, PLEASE DELETE THE PEOPLE THAT REALLY KNOW YOU CAUSE WE HATE SEEING THEM LIES ON OUR PAGES, IJS!
EXTRAS: DON’T LET THIS BULLSHIT MCM, MCE, WCE, WCW, ETC. GET YOU INTO SOME SHIT YOU CAN’T GET OUT OF! People have a way of taking things meant for fun and turning it into drama! it’s so sad!

MEN IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, STOP LIKING AND COMMENTING ON THESE THOTS/OTHER WOMEN PAGES KNOWING YOU GOT A WOMAN, CUZ SOCIAL MEDIA GOING TO ALWAYS READ MORE INTO A POST! NOT TALKING ABOUT A SIMPLE LIKE HERE OR THERE. I’M TALKING ABOUT IF YOU CONSTANTING LIKING THE SAME PERSON PICTURE OVER AND OVER OR LEAVING DETAILED COMMENTS UNDER PICTURES THAT YOU DON’T EVEN LEAVE UNDER YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER PICTURES. ALSO, IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T HANDLE IF SHE TURNED THE TABLES ON YOU, PLEASE DON’T DO IT TO HER CAUSE AGAIN SOCIAL MEDIA, LOVES TO SEE YOU EMBARASS YOUR GF, WIFE, OR S.O. THAT’S WHEN THEY CAN WORM THEIR WAY IN.

UN-Girl Code with Hazel-E

So by now I’m sure you heard of Hazel E putting her feet, in her big ass mouth! An altercation between Hazel E and comedian Jess Hilarious led to Hazel E being labeled a PEDOPHILE for her 19 year old GAY BOYFRIEND. Not one to deal with the truth being out there (Jess posted screenshots between Hazel’s man and his lover and the lover even corroborated her story with a video post stating its true!). Hazel E and her “boyfriend” fire back with homophobic posts condemning gays to death, threatening to damage careers, talking about Jess’s son (THE GIRL CODE SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER TO NEVER GET INTO IT WITH A COMEDIAN AND NEVER, EVER, EVER, BRING A WOMAN’S CHILD IN THE MIDST OF DRAMA), and if that wasn’t bad enough she started pulling the hater/colorism card talking about BLACK WOMEN HATE HER CAUSE SHE LIGHT SKINNED AND EVEN GOING SO FAR AS TO CALL BLACK WOMEN MONKEYS ( I guess she forgot that she is black too underneath all that bleaching/lightening cream and botched surgeries she used to achieve her look (which I’m sure NO ONE WANTS OR CARES TO HATE ON).

Girl when you living a lie, you have to fly under the radar! You can’t destroy someone’s life with a LIE, when yours can be destroyed with the TRUTH!

HAZEL E has really taken that LHHH crap to the extreme but in the real world, she aint about that life and now her need to live the reality show lifestyle and meet those ratchet expectations have written a check that her ass can’t cash! I hope they drop her from the show because how dare you degrade and bring down black women because your life is in shambles? Yet claim to be all for sisterhood and girl power in your book (that I havent read and don’t plan to) that was co-authored with a popular author. I’m curious as to what chapters, if any, she wrote!!!

Let’s use our imagination for a minute. If we were to go by her Colorism theory for a minute and believe in an alternate universe that people are hating on her because she’s light-skinned then that would still be an issue because then the light-skinned community would probably argue that she’s not cute enough to be in the category with them because of her excessive skin lightening and botched surgeries. Her light-skinned sense of entitlement would be revoke because it’s not natural.

Someone failed HAZEL E! Somewhere down down the line, she lost herself and nobody told her that SHE IS A BLACK WOMAN AND SHOULD CELEBRATE ALL SHADES OF BLACK WOMEN!

LIGHT-SKINNED OR NOT WHY WOULD YOU INSULT THE VERY PEOPLE YOU EXPECT TO SUPPORT YOUR BRAND AND BUY YOUR BOOK?

ASIDE FROM #45, FUCKBOYS, & TRIFLING BABY DADDIES, HAZEL E HAS JUST BEEN ADDED TO THE LIST OF THINGS THAT BLACK WOMEN DON’T LIKE

Everybody wanna Gucci Mane & Keyshia type relationship

Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’Oir are finally married and hip hop lovers around the world are going crazy for that type of hood love story. Waiting watching and hoping to imitate if possible a big moment in GuccI and Keyshia’s life, but that hood love didn’t happen overnight.

Keyshia was with him when he was at his lowest. She was there after all the sidelines, gold diggers, money hungry people in his life counted him out. He left her with all he had left and she didn’t spend a dime on herself. Instead she used it make him more money, so it was only right or natural for him to marry her. She had her own and could have left him when he went to jail but instead she didnt. She was doing wifey activities without the ring. How many of you would have done that?

Make no mistake, I’m truly happy for them. Black love is precious and should be celebrated all the time but to the people wishing for that type of love just know getting to that is never easy, especially if you are a celebrity or in the public eye. Nobody knows what they endured to get where they are. Nobody knows how many times Gucci fell down and she had to pick him back up because as we all know she was with him at his lowest meaning at one time or another, she was there with him at his highest as well. That was loyalty. She saw something in him and took the time to develop it into something more, something precious. That can be a tricky thing. What Keyshia did for Gucci won’t work for every man at his lowest. There are many fuckboys that will let you build him back up from his lowest and run back to the very people that broke him. There are many fuckboys that as soon as he is back on his feet will leave you high and dry for someone new and or white! So to all the men that think women should be like Keyshia YOU ARE WRONG! Every relationship is different and YOU HAVE TO TRULY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORKING WITH! Gucci Mane was ready to accept better, do better, be better. He was ready to do better. I mean we are talking about a man who pushed a woman out of a moving car! I’m glad that they were able to make their relationship work, but their relationship is not my relationship goals. Not because I’m already married but because I know that every relationship is different! Like the Pastors always say, “Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses! You don’t know what they had to go through or what they did to get what they got!”

Now we all know Keyshia had her own businesses before Gucci. She made her own money, so she didn’t need his money and that’s how she grew their business together in his absence. What would have happened if she didn’t have her own, spent his money(probably to help him and his legal woes), and still held him down in his absence by any means necessary? Would he have still proposed or would we be on Facebook calling her a fool? Regular women hold their men down while they are in jail everyday. Why are we so quick to condone those women but praise celebrity women like Keyshia? Think about that. Really think about that. I bet you everyone that is reading this knows someone that has or currently is holding it down for a guy in jail right now and I bet you more than that it is no one’s RELATIONSHIP GOALS!

ALL I’M SAYING IS LOVEIS LOVE & YES IT CAN MAKE YOU DO SOME CRAZY THINGS BUT YOU ALSO GOT TO KNOW WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU HAVE. KEYSHIA KNEW WHAT SHE HAD AND SHE INVESTED IN THAT PERSON. SHE SAW MORE IN HIM THAN HE PROBABLY SAW IN HIMSELF. SOME OF YALL ARE LOOKING FOR YALL BOAZ IN BO- BROKE ASS OR BO-TRIFLING AS OR BO-CHEATING AS AND THE LIST GOES ON. YOU CAN’T BUILD UP EVERY MAN YOU GET. LOVE IS NOT AN ART PROJECT. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BUILD UP MAN AFTER MAN. YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT AND WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU CAN ONLY DO THAT BY ASKING THE LORD TO SHOW YOU THE PERSON YOU ARE AND THE PERSON YOU ARE WILLING TO HELP BUILD UP.

I’M HAPPY FOR GUCCI. HE REALLY GOT HIS LIFE IN ORDER AND THEY REALLY SEEM HAPPY! Congrats!

Friends or Nah?

friend

 

For the last few days, the topic of friendship has become a hot topic!  From the death of Chicago teen Kanneka Jenkins, which is rumored to have been caused by her so-called friends to the now famous Twitter beef between two best friends that turned really ugly, when one friend got a better job and expected her friend to be happy for her. I felt the need to address this topic.  As the mother of two girls and a boy, the issue of frenemies is sure to come up. In fact, it has already started to sprout. My oldest daughter is in the ninth grade just recently had to cut her best friend since sixth grade loose as well as dump her boyfriend.

Friends should look after one another, be there for each other, and support one another, but these days all too often friends are becoming secretly jealous of each other.  Log onto any social media site and you are sure to find ex-best friends beefing with each other. It’s so rampage that it makes you wonder, who, if anyone is raising these kids? I strive myself on being a great mother, but I also try to equip my kids with the skills needed to handle disputes and disagreements in a calm, respectable manner.

Since I don’t really know the basis of the Kanneka Jenkins Case, all I’m going to say about that situation is that the friends should have protected Kanneka way better than they did.  Although, my partying days are far behind me and I never really partied with more than 2 other people, we had a GIRL CODE! If we came together, we left together.  If you hooking up with someone, we got pictures, names, tag numbers, and info on where you were going to be. We called to make sure we all made it home safe.  If we had a bad feeling about someone, we followed our intuition and did whatever was necessary to leave the situation. Sometimes we went to the extreme and pretended to be gay or that our parents were crazy police officers (my dad was a police officer and didn’t even know it, lol) but it worked and I’m sure it may have prevented a lot of issues.  If we were drinking, we got our drinks directly from the bartender, if a guy was paying or we bought our own.  We never got sloppy drunk for fear of something bad happening. We didn’t even go to the bathroom alone.  Basically, we were joined at the hip!  The issue today is not many friends feel the need to do this anymore. They feel that it is not their job to protect their friend. That their friend is grown and can do whatever she wants.  WRONG! WE ARE OUR SISTER’S KEEPER AND WE HAVE TO START ACTING LIKE IT. IN A WORLD, WHERE WOMAN ARE KILLED FOR SIMPLY TELLING A MAN ‘NO, I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU’ WHY WOULDN’T WE WANT TO PROTECT EACH OTHER?

Now, the situation with the best friends on Twitter.  Clearly, one of the friends had a very misguided idea of what true friendship is and should be.  First off, no one in this world owes you anything, but if you find someone that helps you along the way, you should be thankful. Friend 2 believes that Friend 1 should not be excelling in life without her. When Friend 1 gets a better job, Friend 2 is jealous of her an immediately tries to make the friend feel guilty for wanting more out of life. When Friend 1 confronts her about her behavior, Friend 2 gives this crazy speech that somehow, somewhere Friend 1 was supposed to wait on her so they can excel TOGETHER and it pretty much ends with Friend 2 saying some things that she clearly been holding in for a while.  She was Friend’s 1 best friend since they were little, yet she was jealous of friend 1 all along! With people like that, you can’t even get mad because Karma will eventually visit them and they will wish for friendship they once had.  Success will turn family and friends to enemies quicker than you know. WHEN GOD STARTS BLESSING YOU, YOU WILL SEE WHO IS REALLY FOR YOU!

LESSONS IN FRIENDSHIP THAT MY DAUGHTER LEARNED THIS PAST WEEK….My daughter and her BFF A* were best friends from 6th grade up until last week. They did everything together, their lil crushes (boyfriends) were even best friends. It was always the four of them. Well, BFF A* & my daughter’s crush were already close friends and eventually my daughter and BFF A* crush’s became close friends. My daughter never had an issue with her BFF and her crush being friends. She TRUSTED HER FRIEND! Even after her father and I talked to her about their friendship after BFF and my daughter’s crush and a few other people had a secret group where my daughter wasn’t apart of.  I told her to follow her heart, but keep her guard up. It’s high school and people change and people make new friends. We told her that she is going to have to learn how to ween out the people in her life that we couldn’t do it for her. She chose to remain friends with BFF A* Her and her crush eventually feel out but because they had the same friends they still were around each other. My daughter and BFF A* crush got closer and soon they were best friends.  Well BFF A* took that to mean that since my daughter and her crush were no longer speaking, she must have been after her crush, so she started pushing away from daughter until she completely stopped talking to her at all. My daughter tired talking to her to no avail, so my daughter stopped trying, but she didn’t stop hanging with or talking to the BFF A*’s crush or their friends in common. BFF A* eventually came around and was ready to talk about the situation. Well by then, my daughter gave her the cold shoulder and basically ignored her. Things got heated and I saw them getting out of hand when I did my nightly phone check. They both said things they shouldn’t have said, I woke my daughter up and made her apologize and I made her deactivate her IG for a while.   After a day or so, my daughter realized that she really did say some ugly things and that no matter how mad her friend made her, she shouldn’t have said the things she said, but she said something that stuck. “Momma, if she was my best friend, she should have known, I would never, ever do anything like that to her and I don’t need people like her in my life!”  She was right! I hate it took her losing a friend to learn about friendships, but sadly that’s the times we are living in. Friendships are no longer sisterhoods.

Fromthese three incidents come Life lessons to help me reach and teach my daughters!  EVERYBODY AIN’T YOUR FRIEND!